


The proposal

by USSAnke



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/USSAnke/pseuds/USSAnke
Summary: Not what you might think, but still worth reading - promised
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	The proposal

"Welcome to Germatonic Alliance space. We are pleased to welcome you to our territory."

"Well, that's nice," Tom Paris remarked from Voyager's pilot seat. "Welcome drones at the territorial border to greet incoming ships. An alternation from photon torpedoes."

"Quiet," the captain admonished, for the drone was not yet ready.

"Please note that you must have a valid A38 pass to enter Germaton Alliance territory. Entering without a valid pass will be considered an act of war and will automatically result in an appropriate response," the drone continued in a friendly manner.

"Hmph, not as nice as Mr. Paris thought after all," Commander Chakotay remarked. "So how do we get a pass like that?"

"However, you can apply for the A38 pass quickly and unbureaucratically," the drone continued as if it had heard the commander's question. "Just answer a few brief questions about your origin, reason for travel and destination."

"All right," Kathryn Janeway said. "We'll apply for a pass."

"Please state the type of pass you are requesting," the drone replied.

"We're requesting an A38 pass," Kathryn Janeway said reluctantly, reminding herself that arguing with a machine had never helped - a few run-ins with the doctor excepted.

"We are pleased that you would like to visit the Germatonic Alliance territory," the drone said in the professional-friendly tone that was beginning to get on Kathryn's nerves. "Please answer just a few brief questions about your background, reason for travel, and destination, and we'll be happy to welcome you."

"Yes, yes," Kathryn growled, "we've been there."

"Please state your origin."

"United Federation of Planets."

"You named the 'United Federation of Planets' - we are not familiar with it. Are they sure your information is correct?"

"Yes."

"Unfortunately, we cannot issue a Pass A 38 if the origin of the applicant is unknown to us. Please submit an application for recognition of species and / or political-astrographic origin to be entered in the Germatonic register of recognized departurations."

"Departuration? Does this word even exist?" wondered Tom Paris.

"Apparently it does among the Germatons," Kathryn Janeway remarked somberly. "Well then, let's make a request for recognition of our origins."

"Welcome to the Germaton Alliance," the drone said cheerfully. "We are pleased to meet a new species in you and to offer you our friendship. Please answer a few brief questions and your request will be answered quickly and without bureaucracy."

"I've heard that somewhere before," Tom Paris grumbled to himself.

"Please state the name of your home territory."

"United Federation of Planets."

"Please state the political form of government of your home territory."

"Democracy."

"Please state the number of inhabited planets."

„200.“

"Please tell us the number of species represented."

„150.“

"Please provide a list of the species represented with the basic physiological characteristics of each species, as well as population numbers grouped by planet."

"Tom," Kathryn nodded her order to the helmsman to transmit the requested data. The drone acknowledged the reception chirping.

"Please transmit the astrometric data of your home area," it then requested.

"Tom," Kathryn nodded again.

"Well, now we are going somewhere," Tom Paris remarked as he transmitted the requested data to the drone.

"Your data has been rejected," the drone said. "According to our plausibility heuristics, the astrometric data you transmitted does not match your position on our border. Please verify your information and resubmit the data."

"So, we are going somewhere." The sarcasm in Chakotay's voice was obvious.

"Commander," Kathryn rebuked him, but everyone could tell she shared her first officer's sentiments. "So let's send our data again and see what happens."

"Your data was rejected," the drone explained unsurprisingly. "According to our plausibility heuristics, the data you sent does not match your position on our border. Are you sure your information is correct?"

"We are," Kathryn gritted her teeth.

"In that case, your entry in the Germatonic Register of Departures cannot be automatic. Would you like to speak with an operator?"

"Yes!" Kathryn sounded more enthusiastic than she had in a long time. The idea of talking to a flesh-and-blood being - or whatever the biological basis of these Germatons was - fired her up.

"Welcome to the service hotline for applications to the Germaton Central Registry. Please hold the line, the next free agent will be happy to take care of your request as soon as possible."

_A long, long time later_

"I wonder how many ships are out there on the Germatonic border whose crews have died of old age while waiting for a Germatonic operator to handle their request as quickly as possible," Tom remarked.

"Welcome to the Germatonic Central Registry Request Service Hotline. Please hold the line, the next available operator will be happy to take care of your request as soon as possible," announced the transmission from the on-board loudspeakers.

"If they would at least stop with that stupid announcement," Harry complained. "We've heard it a million times now, haven't we? It's beginning to get on my nerves."

"Your statement is remarkably incorrect, Ensign," Tuvok remarked. "So far, we've heard the announcement exactly 4711 times."

"That's quite enough," Harry grumbled.

Suddenly, the display on the screen changed, a face appeared where just until now a symbol had rotated that presumably represented the logo of the Germatonic Alliance. Nobody on Voyager had explicitly thought about how the Germatons would look like, but if they had, their assumptions would probably have gone in the direction of gray and angular. Nothing was further from the creature on the screen. Everything about it was round - except for the almost Vulcan ears from the tips of which a few strands of orange hair grew. Other than that, the creature was remarkably purple.

"Good afternoon. My name is Operator Zork, and I am very pleased to attend to your request," the operator rattled off a text with which he obviously did not agree at all.

Kathryn sighed. She had the strong feeling of going from the frying pan into the fire with this contact person.

"My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. We are here..."

"I know what you're claiming. I have your records right in front of me," the operator interrupted her gruffly. "Please explain how your information are supposed to make any sense."

"An alien entity called the Caretakers moved our ship from our territory to the other side of the galaxy," Kathryn explained with all the kindness she could muster. "Since then, we've been trying to get back home and would be very happy if we were allowed to cross Germatoan Alliance territory to do so, as it would shorten our journey by an estimated nine months."

"Aha. Your explanation is ... interesting," Operator Zork said with an undertone that rather said _completely implausible, but at least creative_. "I guess you don't have any evidence to back up your story."

"Well, we can provide you with detailed information on both our origins and our path through the Delta Quadrant so far," Kathryn replied. "That data should have some evidentiary value."

"Do that," Operator Zork complied, and Kathryn couldn't decide if she detected some disappointment in his voice. "We will provide you with a customer number and an address to which you can send the data. We will review your request quickly and without bureaucracy. Please remain on hold until our review is complete. Zork out."

The operator's face disappeared from the screen and was replaced by the Germaton Alliance logo. At the same time, sounds emanated from the loudspeakers, which were probably meant to be the Germatonic equivalent of music.

"Well, these are friendly fellows," Tom commented. "So hospitable and benevolent..."

"...And above all, unbureaucratic," Harry added sarcastically.

Kathryn didn't even bother to reprimand her officers anymore.

In fact, it was only a few days before the Germatonic music-on-hold stopped and the logo on the screen was again replaced by the face of a Germatonic operator.

"Good afternoon, my name is Supervisor Hannschuh. I am a specialist in special cases and am very pleased to be able to take care of your request quickly and unbureaucratically. What can I do for you?"

Kathryn was at the end of her tether, but she pulled herself together with all her might.

"My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. We have been thrust into this quadrant by unfortunate circumstances and are now on our way home again. To do so, we would very much like to pass through Germatonian Alliance territory."

"To do so, simply apply for an A38 pass," said Supervisor Hannschuh obviously piqued to have been harassed over such a simple case.

"Unfortunately, that doesn't work so easily in our case, since we are regrettably not listed in the register of departures," Kathryn explained. "And since we are at the end of the Germatonic Alliance territory that is furthest away from our home, our inclusion in the register probably doesn't work quite as quickly and unbureaucratically as it usually does," she anticipated the supervisor's next objection. At the same time, she could hardly keep the slightly sarcastic undertone from her voice when she said "quickly and unbureaucratically”. Hopefully, the universal translator had ironed that out.

"I understand," the supervisor nodded thoughtfully. "You have evidence to support your story?"

"That's what your colleague asked. We've provided him with the relevant documentation."

"I see." The operator busied himself with the computer console in front of him. "Your records are still under review."

"How long will that take?" asked Kathryn.

"I can't tell you, we Germatons are known for our thoroughness and it just takes time."

"I understand that," Kathryn said, "but I'm sure you also understand that we have a long way to go, so we want to move on as quickly as possible."

Supervisor Hannschuh nodded thoughtfully. "I understand your point of view. But you just can't speed up the bureaucracy - otherwise we'd have chaos. The most we could do is try for an exemption."

"An exemption would go a long way toward helping us." Kathryn thought she saw light at the end of the tunnel.

"But you are aware that if you do that, you may not be placed on the Germaton Registry of Departures?" Supervisor Hannschuh apparently considered that the worst fate that could befall a species.

"We would give that the benefit of the doubt," Kathryn said composedly.

"I admire your willingness to sacrifice, Captain," Operator Hannschuh said solemnly. "Now for an exemption, we still need some information."

"All right. What would you like to know?"

"Please state the name of your home territory, the political form of government of your home territory, the number of inhabited planets and number of species represented. We also need a list of the species represented with the basic physiological characteristics of each species, as well as population numbers grouped by planet and the astrometric data of your home area."

"But we've already given you all that," Kathryn protested weakly.

"That was for the Germatonic Register of Departures entry, Captain," Supervisor Hannschuh said in shock. "But now we're talking about granting an exemption! I must say, I'm a bit taken aback by your lack of cooperation."

"I'm sorry, Supervisor," Kathryn hastened to add, "where we come from, we're not used to such sophisticated bureaucracy." She thought it better to keep her opinion of this sophisticated bureaucracy to herself. "We will transmit the requested data immediately. Tom," she nodded her order.

The supervisor seemed mollified.

"You're right, Captain. As a member of an entity as advanced in interplanetary law as the Germatonic Alliance, it is easy to forget that not all species can be at our level of civilization," he said sympathetically.

Kathryn's mine froze into ice.

"For an exemption, we have to follow a few different rules than for a simple passenger permit. For example, we need a deposit," Supervisor Hannschuh continued to explain.

"A deposit?"

"Well, a security that you are indeed just transiting our territory and not settling down on one of our beautiful planets just like that."

"Supervisor, I assure you..."

"Assurances are of no use to me, Captain. You yourself have admitted to being quasi-homeless" _And at a low civilizational level_ , Kathryn read in the supervisor's mine. "There may be too great a temptation there to want to take advantage of an orderly polity such as the Germatonic Alliance. We cannot allow your ship to become a disproportionate burden on the hard-working population of the Germatonic Alliance."

With almost superhuman strength, Kathryn restrained herself from telling the supervisor that she would rather seek permanent residency in Borg space than remain with the Germatons. Instead, she coolly asked, "What do you envision as deposit, Supervisor?"

"Our scans have determined that you have an interesting matter/antimatter unit on board."

"Our warp core!"

"You would, of course, get it back once you have passed through our territory."

"The warp core is part of our ship's propulsion system, and without it we cannot traverse your space."

"Captain," the supervisor replied, clearly annoyed. "We are in the process of building golden bridges for you under your precarious circumstances, but with your lack of cooperation, it is not easy."

"Supervisor, I sincerely appreciate your efforts." Rarely had Kathryn lied so shamelessly. "But there must be something else that can serve as your security other than, of all things, a vital part of our propulsion system."

It took a while for the captain and supervisor to agree on an appropriate deposit. Eventually, however, the Germatons were willing to let Voyager pass through with special permission.

"Wonderful," Kathryn concluded, "I assure you that we will do our utmost to cross your territory as quickly as we can."

Leaving behind would have been the correct phrase, but Kathryn didn't want to strain Supervisor Hannschuh's good will unnecessarily.

"I'm glad, Captain, that we were able to be of assistance to you. You'll find the Germatonic Alliance is a wonderful piece of space that welcomes its guests with open arms." Tom Paris suppressed a heavy coughing fit. "I suppose you've already taken care of your SSA certificate."

"Of our what?" asked Kathryn weakly.

"Of your SSA certificate," Supervisor Hannschuh explained impatiently. "Didn't anyone tell you that only ships certified by the SSA - the Spaceship Surveillance Association - are allowed to enter our territory? Without an SSA certificate, we obviously cannot issue you a special permit. You surely understand that for reasons of general safety alone, as for environmental reasons, we can of course only tolerate ships in our territory that meet certain minimum technical requirements."

"Of course," echoed Kathryn weakly.

"But don't worry Captain, your ship is in wonderful condition," the supervisor said confidentially. "So, this is just a formality for you."

"And how do we get such a certification?"

"Oh, that's very simple. Just contact the nearest SSA certification body and apply for an application form. The certification body will then very quickly and unbureaucratically... Hello? Captain?" Supervisor Hannschuh shook his head in disbelief. "Just gone."

There was grim silence on Voyager's bridge as Tom Paris set a course that would cost them nine additional months.  
It was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of my German fanfic "Der Antrag"


End file.
